hey so since me and tabrisnolonger are going to be starting over and revisiting the relationship between his kaworu and my shinji i think it’s appropriate to announce that i’m going to be doing some housekeeping on both my shinji blogs, which may include deleting some old (dropped) threads. also, since this blog is getting a reboot, it seems like the best time to announce that from now on i will be playing shinji (including thirdpilotshinji) as an afab (assigned female at birth) trans boy. if you have a problem with my decision i suggest you unfollow me.
"Feeling tired," Kaworu answers. "Feeling joy. Feeling loved. I love you." He giggles, then transitions into a hum. It’s light, nothing Shinji’s heard before. Kaworu hasn’t, either. He makes it up as he goes, informed by the conflict of sickness and happiness. It meanders aimlessly until it’s forced to blink in and out by Kaworu’s own dozing.
The tuneless humming is oddly comforting. It’s nice to know that despite being sick, Kaworu is still happy. “I love you too.” Shinji murmurs, running his fingers through soft silver hair. After a few minutes more, the humming is replaced by soft snoring. Not wanting to disturb the other boy while he’s resting, Shinji lies quiet in his arms, letting the sounds of Kaworu’s breathing lull him to sleep as well.
Everything Kaworu’s ever wanted. He wraps his arms around the boy and nuzzles into brown hair, sighing happily at the body pressed against his. “My Shinji,” he whispers and giggles. “Beautiful Shinji. My precious.”
Just next to each other isn’t good enough, Kaworu decides, and he hooks his leg around Shinji’s to pull between his own. He’s fully intent on tangling their legs together so much they can never part again. With Shinji to hold him and their little blanket cocoon of heat, Kaworu’s set to never move again.
Within seconds, Kaworu has curled up against him, molding himself around Shinji’s body and nuzzling his head. Their legs are tangled together, Kaworu’s arms wrapped snugly around him. “Feeling better?” he whispers, pressing a kiss to the other boy’s chin.
He’s not worried about catching his cold, seeing as Kaworu had caught it from him in the first place. Knowing the virus is no longer contagious allows Shinji the freedom to dote on the boy as much as he wants. With a sigh of contentment, he tucks his head under Kaworu’s chin.
Ah. Kaworu really loves Shinji. It’s all he can think as he curls his fingers around Shinji’s hand and giggles softly. His beloved, his most wonderful Lilin. Shinji.
"Nagisa Shinji," he mutters again, then returns to his soup. It’s sat for long enough while Kaworu made his attempts at flirting, it doesn’t require much cooling anymore. It’s quickly consumed, and gratefully, with Kaworu adding a quiet, "Thank you for the meal," afterwards.
Still smiling, Shinji releases Kaworu’s hand and takes the tray, setting it on the bedside table. He kicks off his slippers and lifts a corner of the blanket covering the other boy.
"I believe you said something about wanting to cuddle."
Quickly, he slips in beside him, tucking the blanket around the both of them and making himself comfortable next to Kaworu’s warm body.
He’s really sick, then. After insisting he wouldn’t catch Shinji’s cold… He’s careful with the new spoonful. He swallows it and leans into Shinji’s petting.
"I love you too," he sighs, "I can taste it, your love in this soup. I taste it in all of the food you’ve ever made for me. And I feel it in your gaze, and how we touch when we pass. You’re always telling me in your own way, aren’t you?"
Even too warm and dizzy, he finds it in himself to turn on the angel charm. His eyelids lower, and he brushes his fingers over Shinji’s cheek so carefully.
Smiling at the touch, he leans in and presses a kiss to Kaworu’s warm forehead.
"I should tell you more often, shouldn’t I? In words, I mean. I never want you to feel like you’re anything less than the most important person in my life." Shinji’s cheeks flush slightly as he takes Kaworu’s free hand in his own. "Now finish your soup."
The sigh is harsh, and Kaworu remembers the responsibilities Shinji already bears. Taking care of him like this is yet another thing to balance into his list of to-dos, isn’t it? He was excited to have Shinji take care of him, but it is selfish, after all.
Kaworu drinks the whole glass in one go. He hadn’t even realized he was dehydrated until the water touched his tongue.
He’ll try again with the soup, this time lifting the spoon and holding it above the bowl to let it cool by itself. He gives Shinji an apologetic smile and says, “Thank you for doing this for me, Shinji. I hope you can forgive me for inconveniencing you.”
"It’s not an inconvenience, Kaworu. Everyone gets sick once in a while. I just hope that you feel better soon and it doesn’t get any worse."
He pets Kaworu’s soft, fluffy hair affectionately, smiling at him. The other boy has probably never been sick before, so he probably hasn’t experienced being doted upon like this, and Shinji wants to make sure he doesn’t think of it as being burdensome to him.
"We’ll do lots of fun things together once you’re well again, I promise. But for now all you need to focus on is resting and feeling better. Let me know if you’d like some more water or soup, okay?"
Shinji’s love is in this soup! He’ll take it happily. A bit too happily, in fact, resulting in a burnt tongue from the spoonful he shoves in his mouth. Calmly, he dips the spoon back into the soup and stares down at it, and his eyes water a bit from the pain in his mouth.
"Shinji," Kaworu whines. "It hurts."
"Kaworu, you’re supposed to blow on it before eating, you know that. Here, have some water." Shinji taps the tray, indicating a glass of water sitting beside the soup bowl.
"Nagisa Shinji," Kaworu calls back. That’s you, Shinji. That’s you. "Please come cuddle with me. If you take too long, the excess love will escape."
Shinji nudges the door open with his toe and slowly enters, carrying a tray with a bowl full of steaming soup carefully balanced atop it, which he presents to the other boy.
"You should eat this first. When you’re sick it’s important to stay hydrated, and it’ll probably help warm you up."
After settling the tray on Kaworu’s lap, he sits down beside the bed and presses his palm to the other’s forehead. As expected he’s still noticeably warmer than usual.
"I think all the love in the soup will easily make up for any of the lost excess."
"Nagisa…Shinji…" Kaworu giggles through his warm haze. He’s doing his best to stay in bed like Shinji told him to, but it’s hard when he’s suddenly struck by emotions warmer than himself.
Outside the door to Kaworu’s room, Shinji hears him giggle quietly to himself. The other boy seemed to have caught his cold after all, though his symptoms differed from the one’s he’d experienced.
"Kaworu…? Are you awake? I made you some soup."
Testing hurts. Every day, new tests on his body, new blood tests and shots and blood tests and medicines and creams and blood tests, allergy tests and physical fitness tests and tests to monitor his speed of regeneration. Tests on his diet, tests on his eyes, tests on his angelic powers. Tests gauging the impact emotional trauma has on his control and power of his abilities. He’s only seven, but after so many brain scans and knowledge tests, they estimate his mental maturity to be far beyond his physical age.
Rightly so, though he’s the only one who knows. He remembers the past lives, being 15 and having to make that choice whether to let the Lilin flourish to save the only one he cares about, or to end them all.